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1. Because they’re aggressive
Wars fought against France since 1066: 35. English have won 23; they’ve won 11. Mutual defeats: 1 (American War of Independence).
2. Because they don’t like England favorite meal ‘Fish and Chips’
They prefer their foul-smelling ‘camembert’ and ‘bleu’.
3. Because they believe that their Eiffel Tower is more beautiful than our Big Ben
But the Eiffel Tower is useless, thanks to Big Ben we don’t need a watch.
4. Because they have a bad English accent
People from Germany and the Netherlands have a better accent.
5. Because they make love more than anyone else
On average, that’s 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times.
6. Because everyone believes they’re great lovers
But when asked about Napoleon’s love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was “beaucoup le plus fort”. Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits.
7. Because they love yappy dogs
More than nine per cent of French dog owners have a poodle.
8. But they won’t clean up after them
French dog owners refuse to pick up the 5,840 tonnes of dog-doo dropped on their streets each year.
9. Because they’re allergic to customer service
In London eateries, it takes an average 3.4 minutes to get a glass of water once a waiter has been alerted; in Paris it takes 17.9 minutes.
10. Because they’re rude
The “Paris Syndrome” is a medically recognised type of depression which afflicts foreign visitors, caused by the sustained rudeness of French people to outsiders.
11. Because they can’t wait
Many French men still prefer the convenience of a trottoir to the public WC.
12. Because they lack humour
Before the Revolution, the French spoke of l’esprit (wit), or la farce (joke) but the word “humour” had no equivalent. Not until 1932 did the French Academy allow l’humour into the language.
13. Because English have been allowed to believe that French women don’t get fat
Current diet books claim that French women are thin because they eat only fresh produce, and slowly. However, French obesity rates are exploding and one in four French women is on some kind of mood-altering medication. Of course they’re not hungry – they’re stoned.
14. Because they do things the wrong way
The French take more suppositories than the rest of Europe combined. In 2006, they shoved 235 tonnes of pharmaceuticals up themselves. That’s equivalent to 1,850 Gérard Depardieus (approx.).
15. Because they think their cooking is the best in the world
They boasted 26 three-starred restaurants in the 2005 Michelin Guide. However, the guide is a French institution. Could that be why the UK had only three? Coincidence, non?
16. Because they patented the kiss
In fact, there is no actual word for “French Kiss” in French. It is simply embrasser avec la langue (literally, to kiss with the tongue). Colloquially it is referred to as rouler une pelle (to roll the spade). Only in Quebec is it “frencher”.
17. Because the French health service is the best in the world
However, during a 2003 heat wave, the French health services, rated as a “world best” by the WHO, failed to prevent the deaths of 16,300 elderly people.
18. Because their country doesn’t work
Employers have to pay social security taxes equal to 48 per cent of each employee’s salary, so they take on fewer people, and France’s unemployment rate has hovered around 10 per cent for a decade.
19. Because they get up English noses
Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day (compared to 70 per cent of the British).
20. Because it’s taken them a thousand years to admit English are better than them
“The standard of life of the British is higher than that of the French,” said M. le President Nicolas Sarkozy, in his 2006 autobiography. Finally.
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Posted by: ImAzIr
Despite our problems, we are a strong country.
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